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Perfectly Ultimate Bunghole/Transcript
Abridged Episode #31 Watch ← Previous Episode Next Episode → Cast (in order of appearance): Yami, Joey, Mai, Yugi, Marik, Strings, Fanboy, Grandpa, Tristan, Tea, Weevil, Serenity, Nurse Kid, Kaiba Date: November 10, 2008 Running Time: 7:21 Episode Title: Perfectly Ultimate Bunghole Transcript YAMI: And now for something completely different: Card games. JOEY: Mai Valentine? How in the heck did you get four Locator Cards? Did you sleep with Kaiba or something? MAI: Is it so hard to accept that I actually won some card games for a change? JOEY: Get your Kaiba-loving boobies out of my face! YUGI (With a clock on the background): I still don't know what time it is. MARIK (speaking through Strings): I'll tell you what time it is, you fool! Time for you to say your prayers! Because I, the evil Marik Sebastian Ishtar have taken control of the most evil Steve in all of Stevedom! Steve the Mime! With his help, I shall defeat you and then conquer the world! Ahahahaha, Ahaha! Oh, hey, look, a bird! Isn't it just the cutest little guy? I mean, No! I-In my new world, all birds shall be enslaved! Especially this one, and he shall be named, Mr. Tweetums! For it is very evil! Ahahahahaha! Now be gone, Mr. Tweetums! I am trying to stalk my nemesis! Intro Sequence (On the streets) FANBOY: Hey, it's Jonouchi! Jonouchi-chan, I'm your biggest fan! Can I have your autograph? JOEY: Sorry kid, I think you've got me confused with someone else. FANBOY: Nope! You're Jonouchi-chan! You're best friend is Honda-kun! I'm a fanboy, so I don't like to watch the dubbed episodes. Gomennasai! JOEY: (in his mind): This kid ain't makin' any sense! Maybe if I sign his deal, he'll leave me alone. Or at least stop using stop usin' all those crazy words. JOEY: TA-DA! See? I signed it, Joey Wheeler. FANBOY: But your name is Jonouchi! JOEY: No, it's Joey Wheeler. FANBOY: Can I glomp you? JOEY: No, that's okay, um, Here, I'll let you hold my Duel Disk if you promise not to touch me. FANBOY: Sugoi! Jonouchi-chan is kawaii! Arigatou! JOEY: Yeah, A-ri-ga-to back at ya, pal. Just remember, you treat a Duel Disk just like a woman. You fasten it to your arm and place trading cards inside it at regular intervals. And another thing-- FANBOY (running away): Gomennasaiii Jonouchi-channn!!! JOEY: F*cking fanboys! GRAMPA: Why are we randomly hanging out together? TRiSTAN: Hey, look! That kid must've stolen Joey's duel disk! This looks like a job for Ineffectual Minor Character Man! JOEY: Nice job, Tristan! Be careful, he's a fanboy! TRISTAN: Want me to break his neck? JOEY: Maybe later. FANBOY: I'm really sorry, Jonouchi! I just got so sick of writing horrible fanfiction! So I wanted to find other ways to ruin my favorite show for everybody else! Gomennasai! TRISTAN: He keeps talking in that crazy alien language! Let's break his neck! JOEY: Nyehh, I still don't get why you tried to steal my Duel Disk. FANBOY: It wasn't my idea; somebody else put me up to it. He was short, had blue hair, and wore glasses! TRISTAN JOEY and TÉA: Milhouse?!? JOEY: I implicitly believe you, thieving child! (In a dark alley somewhere) WEEVIL: Heh heh. So like, did it work? FANBOY: Yeah. I put the card in Jonouchi's deck, just like you told me to. WEEVIL: Cool. Heheh. Now I can like, do something! Or something. FANBOY: What about the rare card you promised me? WEEVIL: Ohh yeah, um, here you go! FANBOY: But I can't even see what this card is! WEEVIL: That's because I gave you the uncensored version of Enchanting Mermaid. Heheh. You can totally see her boobs! Oh, hey, check this out, heh heh eh heh heh, Loogie Gun! (shoots fanboy with slime gun) Heh heh, heh HEH heh heh. Heh, loogies are cool! (At the hospital) OVER LOUDSPEAKER: Doctor Stiles, please report to the infirmary. (At Serenity's room) SERENITY: What's wrong, Nurse Cameltoe? NURSE: Sorry to bother you, Serenity, but if you happen to see a little boy, please let us know. He's recently recovered from a seizure after watching an episode of Pokémon. And now, he's convinced he's Ash Ketchum. He keeps calling me "Nurse Joy", it's quite annoying. SERENITY: Didn't we already make a gazillion Pokémon references? NURSE: Yes, but this one is actually relevant. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go practice being unsympathetic towards sick people. Hurry up and get better. SERENITY: Hmm, I wonder if my blindness will give me super powers, and inexplicable attraction to Jennifer Garner. Hey, what's that noise? KID (Pokémon theme in background): Hey, I'm Ash Ketchum, Pokémon Trainer! SERENITY: Oh, for the love of-- KID: I'm gonna be the best trainer the world has ever seen. SERENITY: I don't care. KID: Are you Misty? SERENITY: No, I'm not Misty. KID: Come on, Pikachu! We gotta beat Team Rocket! SERENITY: Okay, where the hell is the panic button? JOEY: Weevil Underwood! So it was you who tricked that kid into stealing my Duel Disk for no apparent reason! That gives me rage of the Brooklyn variety! WEEVIL: Heh heh. It's like, Revenge will be mine, and stuff. Breakin' the law, breakin' the law! JOEY: What are you talking about? Yugi was the one beat you in Season One. What's your beef with loveable ol' Joey Wheeler? WEEVIL: Um, I don't know. I don't even think we've met before. But like, apparently, I hate your guts. Heh. Now let's go play a children's card game and stuff. TÉA: Anime Milhouse is a jerk! WEEVIL: Check it out! Heh, I'm gonna summon my rarest monster. The Perfectly Ultimate Great Moth! GRAMPA: Perfectly Ultimate Great Moth?!? That's one of the most powerful cards in all of Duel Monsters! JOEY: Oh, Yeah? Well, I summon the Swordsman of Landstar! GRAMPA: The Swordsman of Landstar?!? That's one of the most powerful cards in all of Duel Monsters! WEEVIL (Caramelldansen playing in background): Heheh, you activated my trap, Buttmunch! Now all your monsters will be forced to dance uncontrollably to crappy Japanese Pop Music! JOEY: I beg to differ! I summon Jinzo, negating the effects of your internet clichè. hate that song WEEVIL: So like, I used that kid to sneak a parasite card into your deck. Forcing all your monsters to become Insect-Types! JOEY: Nyehh, It's like something out of David Cronenburg's remake of The Fly! Except it isn't happening to Jeff Goldblum, so it's less repulsive! GRAMPA: Jeff Goldblum?!? He's one of the most powerful cards in all of Duel Monsters! JOEY: I thought Kaiba said this tournament was gonna adhere to the rules. Weevil should be disqualified right now! TÈA: Face it, Joey, Kaiba hates you more than George Lucas hates Star Wars! He's probably just laughing at you, right now! at kaibacorp KAIBA: Teeheehee. WEEVIL: I summon my Insect Queen! Heh heh. GRAMPA: Insect Queen?!? That's one of the most powerful cards in-- EVERYONE ELSE: Shut up! GRAMPA: Well, it is. (Back at Serenity's Room) SERENITY: So... is my brother winning, or...? KID (Pokemon Theme continues in Background): Come on, Misty! We have to get to Viridian City! SERENITY: I'm not going anywhere. I'm recovering from the operation that I didn't have. KID: You're funny, Misty! Hey, remember that time when you got freaked out by those Bug Pokèmon? SERENITY: No. KID: You were all like, "Ahh! Those are Bug Pokèmon! I do not like them!" SERENITY: Hey, Ash? KID: Yeah, Misty? SERENITY: The doctor told me you have cancer! (Theme music ends) KID: Oh. Is that some sort of new pokèmon that can't be found in the Johto Region? SERENITY: No, it's cancer. (Back to the Duel between Joey and Weevil) JOEY: Ewww, his Insect Queen is eating my monsters! TRISTAN: And he's turned them into Smooze! TÉA: No, not Smooze! GRANDPA: Nothing can stop the Smooze! JOEY: Now I'm gonna destroy your mighty Insect Queen with a magical can of bug spray. Seriously. That's how I defeat you. Clearly this is a victory for the record books. Let that be a lesson to ya, Weevil - minor characters from season one stand absolutely no chance in this tournament. That's why I'm gonna take you out, one at a time. Cuz I'm Joey Wheeler, card game warrior. WEEVIL: Would you like to see my bunghole? JOEY: Okay, Tristan, now you can break his neck. WEEVIL: (neck breaks) Aah! TRISTAN: Yeah, I can break necks with my mind. End. "Nothing Can Stop The Smooze" from My Little Pony: The Movie plays. A picture of Jeff Goldblum as a Yu-Gi-Oh! Card appears with the caption "Must Run Faster" in its description. The following captions appear beneath it. goldblum > exodia Stinger KAIBA: Throws Mokuba Kaiba into the blimp before jumping on while "Move Bitch" by Ludacris plays. The logo for Pokemon X appears, along with captions containing its address and the phrase (Well, at least he updates). YAMI: If you enjoyed all the unfunny Pokemon references in this episode, then you'll just love Pokemon X. God, I hate shameless plugs... Trivia *The "crazy alien language" the fanboy uses is, of course, Japanese. "Gomennasai" means "I'm sorry", "sugoi" means "awesome", "kawaii" is "cute" and "arigatou" means "thank you". The fanboy calls Joey "Jonouchi-chan", which is a reference to the original character's name of Katsuya Jonouchi, but the use of "chan" is overtly familiar and, when said towards a male by another male, is usually insulting. "Kun" is a more standard honorific used for boys. The fanboy is a general portrait of an anime fan that only superficially understands Japanese. *The whole Pokemon reference with the little boy in Serenity's room is due to the fact that in the actual series, the little boy is voiced by the same person that voices Ash Ketchum in Pokemon. *The episode of Pokemon the little boy suffered a seizure after watching is Electric Soldier Porygon, an episode that was banned for causing over 600 seizures. The episode is sometimes referred to as the Seizure Episode. Category:Abridged Transcripts